Top 10 tips for a surrogacy journey from the New England team!
1. Surrogacy research tips, what made you decide surrogacy was right for you?
I knew from a young age, due to my sister’s health concerns, that I may want to be a surrogate. After having my own children and it being fairly easy, why not. My sister and her husband decided surrogacy was not in their cards. A college friend posted on Facebook, after a loss, they were now needing a surrogate. I reached out and now the little girl is happily with her mom and dad. -Amanda
I wanted to do something so big for someone else that they could never repay me because I was not looking for gratification. I also watched a show on TV about surrogacy and thought that was so cool, so I researched it and ask questions about agencies. -Callie
I had already been working in the fertility field for 9 years when I decided to move forward with my first surrogacy. I had the advantage of seeing firsthand all the ups and downs and learned so much from taking care of patients going through the process…I learned by taking the journey with them. -Crystal
2. Match Meeting Tips:
Just be you. They may love you and they may not, either way, is what is meant to be. Being yourself and putting it all out there will establish that connection and bond right away. It is always best to start out open and honest, in order to continue that throughout the process. – Amanda
Super scary not going to lie, I felt judged at every move I made. The IP feel the same way, so better off just being you if they love you, they love you and if they don’t then they are not the right fit for you. Not be scared to say no, there are other fish in the sea! -Callie
Lean on your agency through the match meeting; they’ve done this before!! While you should definitely have your own list of questions you want to be answered, the agency is going to be a great resource for helping you through the meeting and making sure no one forgets to ask the hard questions (also, they’ll fill in those awkward silences!). If you have questions you might be embarrassed to ask yourself talk to the agency and have them ask for you. It’s a great way to get the answers you want but not feel awkward about asking questions that might seem strange or you just don’t know how to bring up. – Jenn
Just remember that everyone is nervous…it’s not just you. You are all in this experience together! Let the agency guide you through the questions and just be as honest as possible. If the match is right you will feel it. -Crystal
3. Help through medication side effects; headaches, nausea, fatigue…
Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your support system. This could include the clinic or your OB about medication and safe ways to manage a side effect. Remember most of these are for a short time and totally worth the end goal. - Amanda
Ask for some help and ask other women what they did, even though it might not work for you at least you tried something to help. I hated ginger, but peppermint helped me so much. I was feeling so sick and laying on the floor and a nurse waved some peppermint in my face and I felt better right away, but sometimes nothing helped me, and I would just throw up and move along my day and counted down the 40 weeks. I also drank lots of water to help me through the day with energy. -Callie
Always remember that it is temporary! I found that massaging my injection site after the PIO would really help with the knotting. I was also lucky enough to have my husband give me most of my injections so I was able to lay on my side and I found that very helpful. -Crystal
4. Embryo Transfer Tips:
You can go to the bathroom right after, the embryo won’t fall out ;-). The specula, we all know about that, and having to pee with the pressure of the ultrasound are the worst parts. This process is fairly quick, and you will be done before you know it. - Amanda
Embryo transfer is such an exciting day! It doesn’t even hurt, so you can just lay back and enjoy getting knocked up! Expect for the full bladder part…that’s no fun.-Crystal
5. Tips for waiting to find out if you are pregnant:
Plan a distraction. These 10ish days will seem like forever and a home test may help that anxiety. Honestly, just breathe, be positive, and enjoy the quiet moment before the next steps. – Amanda
This part is agony! I would rather have 5 PIO injections at once than endure the waiting. Keep yourself busy and nap a lot if you can, sleep passes the time. -Crystal
KEEP your mind busy! -Callie
6. Getting through the hard times; who should I complain to?
Agency, Social worker, counselor, and friends just not the intended parents. It is ok to let them know how you are feeling but that could be a touchy subject for them, even wishing they could personally experience these hard times. –Amanda
Case Manager, Intake Coordinator, spouse, and friends. Ask your case manager for other surrogates to reach out to-Callie
7. Tips for a Failed Embryo Transfer or Miscarriage:
After every failed transfer in my own family-building journey, I always focused on the next steps. “What could I do right away to prepare for the next cycle?” was always on my mind and allowed me to keep going.
It’s ok to allow yourself to grieve a loss. Even as a gestational carrier, you have so much emotion invested for your intended parents that you feel their loss deeply, too. Reach out to your support network; your agency case manager, agency social worker, intake coordinator, friends, and family. – Jenn
8. Tips on how to stay in touch with Intended Parents throughout the pregnancy:
We used an app, Tiny beans, that the IPs, and their family, and is used to share pictures and milestones without having to broadcast on social media. We still use that app years later. – Amanda
Be open with them ask them questions and give them suggestions on what helped you as a new parent. - Callie
9. Birth tips! What did you bring to the birth? What do you wish you would have brought or done differently?
Slip-on shoes – not just flip-flops. Phone charger/battery pack, since a plug, may not be that close to you in bed. Journal or record on your phone your thoughts and feelings. – Amanda
I’m surprised no one else has mentioned soft cotton granny panties. If you end up having a c-section as I did, you don’t want your undies rubbing up against your stitches/staples. -Catherine
Comfy stuff! -Callie
Bring some favorite individual snacks (even if you package them yourself in smaller portions.). While the food in some hospital food is reasonable (and some is definitely not!) it comes on its own schedule. You’re going to want something on hand that you enjoy eating – especially now with COVID and a lesser chance of people being able to bring you outside yummy food after the birth! – Jenn
10. How to prepare for a postpartum period without a baby:
Relax, and enjoy the time. You are still recovering from childbirth. Reach out if you need help. Do the things for yourself that you did not have the time for or couldn’t do when you had a baby to care for. – Amanda
Enjoy not bringing a baby home that needs 24/7 care and getting some sleep. Plan a trip with your family because it’s all about you for 9 months even more and you will no longer be the center of attention, so get some good quality time with family -Callie
Rest, rest, rest! It’s easy to say and hard to do. Take time for self-care and don’t be afraid to advocate for the time and things you need to feel rested and refreshed afterward. Your body has been working hard for 10 months – give it a lovely break and rest! Need to talk? Your case manager loves hearing birth stories, and we don’t mind if you want to relive them to us 25 or more times. We love hearing it, too! – Jenn