Dear Savvy Surrogate: Intended Parents in the Delivery Room?

Dear Savvy Surrogate:

I’ve been matched and cleared by the intended parents’ IVF clinic. We are at contracts now. The first draft of the contract specifies that the intended parents get to be in the delivery room for the birth. This is my first time as a surrogate, so I’m not sure if this is typical? Do intended parents stay for the actual birth? I’m hoping for a vaginal birth, but what if it turns into a c-section—to be honest, I’m a little scared of a c-section and would like my husband there at my side if I have to go into surgery. What should I do? Please help.

Sincerely,

Contract First-Timer

Dear First-Timer:

Whether to invite the intended parents into the delivery room for a surrogate birth is a very personal decision. The bottom line is that it's up to the person giving birth (that’s you!) to make this decision.  Most (but not all) intended parents want to be present during the birth.  Their child's birth is an incredibly important time for them and they want to be with their baby from the moment of birth.

Some surrogates place limits on where the intended parents can be within the delivery room.  It's also perfectly reasonable for the surrogate to limit who is present during her labor and her delivery, but it's important that this be worked out early on in the match. So it’s good that you are thinking about this now, with your lawyer, rather than waiting until week 37!

If your privacy preferences differ from the intended parents' desires to be present for the birth, then you will need to come to some middle ground.  Your decisions can be set forth in your written surrogacy contract. 

But remember that the best laid plans can go awry when it comes to surrogacy.

Your doctors can overrule any decisions you make.  It's common for doctors to request everyone to leave when anesthesia is being placed.  In addition, if the delivery will be in an operating room, there may be space limitations--if there is only space for one person, you all need to decide ahead of time who that will be.  And in an emergency, the doctors and nurses will be focused on saving your life and the baby's life,  and everyone will have to readjust their expectations.  It's also possible that baby will arrive earlier than expected, before the intended parents can get to the hospital.  For all these reasons, everyone needs to be flexible with their expectations for the actual delivery.

Best wishes for an easy and quick delivery!

Sincerely,

The Savvy Surrogate

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